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We waited for ten minutes yesterday to get a video of Trev coming in through the catflap and the dog’s excitement at said event. But there’s this thing with iguanas.
They are the cleverest animals on the planet. And their first example of this genius is keeping it hidden from their humans. Their superpower costume has a red S for stupid, and they wear it so well. However, while we are fooled, they are thinking. Iguanas are philosophers, mathematician and physicists, astronomers and psychologists. Hawkin only knew as much as he did from asking an Iggie.
So he comes to the flap. It takes a while because everything on the way has to be examined and considered—hubby’s waiting, poised with this phone. But, you see, there’s so much for Trevalion to work out. Is it the same catflap? Has it moved?—Is it going to move? Is he still at the right door? Is this still his house? He configures the measurements of the flap to the nth millimetre—risk asses. So if I go through this catflap now, rather than say, in five minutes, what are the likely dangers? Five minutes later…. is it the same catflap? Has it moved? Risk asses.
Hubby, ‘Oh, to heck with this, I’m going for a bath.’
Thirty seconds later, Trevalion came in—laughing because he got one over on his human.
The laugh is going to be on us any day now, though, because our iguana is four foot long, over a foot wide, and weighs five kilos. He’s a lot bigger than your average cat. Getting in and out of the catflap is a struggle, and one day he’s going to get stuck. How do you solve a problem like a wedged iguana?
Summer is here. It’s official the sun is out and shining strong. I know this because I can see it from my office window. It’s a mystical thing that I’d love to have time to sit out in. I tried taking the laptop and working outside last year, but it’s impossible, with far too many distractions. Technically I could do my job in comfort, on the sofa or outside in the sun. There’s no reason I can’t do it on my knee. But there’s something far too relaxed and unprofessional about it. I need to be at my desk to be on my game.
Tonight was fantastic; the youngest son picked me up and took me to visit the eldest son. For the first time in twelve months, I got to see all of my family—bar one daughter-in-law— together at one time, but it was over too fast, and now I’m back.
I used to hate football, but now I love it. Here’s a Pollyanna, find something to be glad about, thing. When you dislike something, find a way to make it work for you. I did it with fishing. I disliked fishing intensely. Taking out the cruelty and looking at it purely from a mind-numbing boredom stance—angling is excellent. You just have to remember your fishing tackle. So what you need are a full-sized sun lounger, some earplugs and a cool box. Fill the box full of soft drinks and your favourite nibbles—something stronger than pop if that’s your fancy. You want your phone for music and the most essential ingredient of all—a brand new book that you love the blurb of and can’t wait to read. Hubby gets to fish to his heart’s content, and you have a blissful day in the sun with earplugs to drown him out when you want to read. See, always a silver lining.
We take the same theory and apply it to football. Hubby insists on family time in the evenings. Left to me, we’d never see each other. I tend to get lost in work. I’d probably be dead in my office for three months before I was noticed missing. However, he, with sheepish playing-it-down vibes, declares that he’s got several weeks of football on the TV in the evenings. I saw him eyeing the sofa in case he needed something to hide behind. Oh joy, oh bliss. He gets to lie on the bed with a beer at eight o’clock in the evening after a hard day’s work—he was naked, but that’s by the by. And I can sneak off to my office to work. Everybody’s happy. I love football. Come on, you reds, greens, blues—whoever.
I love football, but I love Hubby more, and the sad thing is, he won’t get to watch the game. He’s been laying fenceposts in the hot sun all day at work and was shattered. I bet he didn’t last more than five minutes before falling asleep. And Granddad’s asleep, too—shush.
And breathe. My two-week marathon is done. Three complete edits in two weeks all returned to their respective owners on time. Though Jenna’s was a limbo under the deadline bar—does this body look like it does limbo? It was a hundred and eleven hours of work, and I made the deadline by the skin of my teeth. I have another book due on Friday, but I can eye the horror movie that is my to-do list until then. It’s like a living thing. It grows and expands, and what I don’t complete one day gets carried over to the next—and then it doubles. It’s like mitosis—a cell divides and becomes two, then four, then eight. And, before you know it, you’ve got a cell rave going on. They’re all smashed and waving their glo-sticks in the air shouting, ‘Me, me, do me.’ That’s my do-to list.
I have received two new testimonials this week. One from Barbara for completion of her typesetting and general book sign off.
Katherine, thank you and your team for all the time and good work you have put into my book. Everything looks good. Going out to Amazon today to start the process.
And this from Jenna:
OMG, Wonderful Thank you
I’ve just finished reading through the returned first pass for Book 2. I have to congratulate Katherine on her patience and honesty. While I knew the beginning of the draft wasn’t horrific, I warned her to watch out for it when it went downhill. Indeed, the slide was messy and full of brambles. Like some writers, I host a few mental health diagnoses, and they decided to pair up with life to make writing Book 2 less easy than Book 1.
Katherine noted how some habits from Book 1’s original draft carried over to—or became worse—during Book 2’s submission without personally hurtful commentary. She nurtures the projects she takes on and their writers with the care they need to succeed in the editing process.
Removing the tumbleweed helped me to see how egg-splosively enjoyable both books could be next to each other. And, she reminded me that I still have a lot to learn. Challenge accepted! Thank you, Kathrine: for being the tough and uplifting editor us ramblers need.
I’d love to have her see me through the next book in the series, too.
#soulwriter || @jennathesoulwriter || firstname.lastname@example.org
Notice the egg pun? I was so engrossed in her egg-sellent book that I exploded boiling hard-boils all over my kitchen.
This is how the conversation went down with Hubby.
20 May 2021, 15:12
What have you done
You can’t shout.
No harm done, it was a mess, but I’ve cleaned it all except the cooker, that needs to cool down. …oh and the walls. ..and the ceiling just a little bit
I was making your dinner…egg maonaise. I blame Jenna
How can you destroy a kitchen making egg mayo
It’s an artform
Or should I say…only you could destroy a kitchen making egg mayo
I didn’t blow your Dad up.
So what blew up
The eggs, of course. KAPOW!
You forgot about them?
For ….hours…until the explosion…and then I remembered
I did it for you…just remember that.
Seriously love, it’s okay. I’ve cleaned it. Wasted all the eggs though.
Were there any flames or smoke?
Lol…how much mayo were you planning on making
Noooo, just a horrible smell.
6 eggs worth.. it’s all we had.
Ok….later….I’ll bring fish and chips home x
How cool is he? Winner, winner chippy dinner.
A couple of months ago, we launched this blog on the company website. Up to now, it’s just been me rambling on about life and anything that comes into my head to talk about. The response has been fantastic, and our following is growing well. I want to expand on that to include other people—existing clients would take priority.
So—if you have something you want the world to know about—get in touch. email@example.com
If you do anything special for your launch, drop me a line, and I’ll add it to our blog.
It’s a fledgling thing, but I’ve had a good read-rise in the couple of months I’ve been doing it. It’s something else I’m putting out to my clients as part of their free marketing—with no charge.
If ever you have anything going on, a good review, for instance, send it over. Even if it isn’t book related—even if you aren’t an author, it doesn’t matter. If you are reading this and have something you think the world would enjoy reading, get it to me. Drop me a line, and if it’s suitable, I’ll add it to that week’s blog. It stays on my site and goes out all over the internet. I may even take up pod-casting, whatever the heck that is—maybe not.
If you send anything interesting, articles or book reviews, other FB posts or funnies. I will always credit it as coming from you. I want to make the blog interesting so that the following and participation keeps growing, and it isn’t just me waffling on. Use it often as a marketing platform—or just to let off steam. It’s on the articles page under blog.
I offer guest spots on the website body for articles and book reviews—send them in (me ony stippitulation ib thap i edot tham fro errers.) They will always be accredited to the author. Feel free to add your book covers and links to the bottom for extra free advertising.
I seem to be doing this every week at the moment, and long may it continue. This week we’ve taken on our sixth member of staff. Rebecca is joining us as our third and overspill editor. Ideally, and comfortably, we can take on four complete developmental edits a month. Last month was silly, and I squeezed in an extra one. Rebecca’s going to sit in the wings and take on anything extra that comes in. However, we don’t want her falling asleep in that old waiting chair on the porch, so please, feel free to get your quotes in.
My book Lizards Leap is ready to go out for republishing. I threw it out to beta readers, and Rebecka took it on. Not only did she read it, but she did a complete edit and pointed out a couple of major stinkers that I’d missed. I’ve changed the story and added new timelines so many times that there were two continuity errors that I’d skimmed over. She’s been editing for a long time and has a list of credentials and a good eye. I knew she’d make an excellent addition to the team.
Best Book Editors keeps growing and adding new services. Every week somebody asks, ‘Do you do…’ Of course we do. I tell them yes, and then go into a tailspin if it’s something that necessitates me hiring a freelancer. You want it, I’ll find a way to do it.
New services coming this month:
The author logos are like this one—only not like this one because this one’s mine.
Born in South Shields, Tyne & Weir, Katherine Black lives on the tip of the beautiful British Lake District. She lives with her partner, father-in-law and 4 dysfunctional but co-mingling pets. She is mother, grandmother and secret keeper of all. She is Best Book Editors’ principal editor.